One of Those Days...

This is definitely not DIY or decor-related content, it is really just a stream of consciousness....so I apologize in advance.....

Have you ever had a day that's so bad it makes you look at your life and re-evaluate some of your choices?  I have.  In fact...I am having a day like that today.  I am sitting at my desk at work (typing this instead of doing my job, which sounds bad, but its better than the alternative.....SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!!! <--oh, and the caps are to emphasize how loud the screaming would be)...and I can't stop wondering why I'm here.  Lately I feel like I am doing everything wrong (or at least that I am being blamed for everything that goes wrong) and that my best just isn't good enough around here.  I am not normally a self-loathing person....ok, maybe just a little....but in this case I feel as though it is warranted.  I'm tired of the bureaucracy, I'm tired of trying my best and getting nothing in return, and most of all, I'm just tired of pretending that this is my career.  Seriously, what am I doing here?

I started out at college as a graphic design major but after taking an elective Political Science course my first semester, I felt the spark to go to law school.  I changed my major the first day of second semester freshman year before even giving graphic design a chance.  Maybe it was a professor (Mr. Tolley, to be specific) and his down-to-earth, no-nonsense approach to teaching (and NO....nothing like that.....you guys have dirty minds....), or the idea of fighting for justice in a corrupt society, or even the idealistic notion that I could change the world.  Who knows what made me do it, but I spent the next 3 years or so pouring over legal tomes and counting down the days to law school.  It only took a semester working for a big Boston law firm to realize that maybe law school wasn't right for me though.  I continued working there for a few years in a few different departments (and met my husband there, actually), but couldn't shake the fact that I chose the wrong path.  And, of course, instead of admitting that, I just searched for alternative ways to apply my major to a different career.  Political science is definitely not useless outside of the legal world, but it is predominantly where graduates end up.  So that's where I went.  And that's where I am today.  A paralegal.  I have been in the industry for almost 7 years now and I have no idea where the time went.  How did I let it go so long?

So, to wrap up this little tangent, my point is that I feel a little lost.  This is not what I want to be doing with my life and I am the only one that can change that.  I loved graphic design back then, and I still love it now, so I think that's where I am headed.  I have always been a creative person (at least that is what the teachers always told me....which probably meant that I spent more time doodling in my notebooks than listening to their lessons...but you say tomato...) so it's worth a shot.  I am done pretending that this is what I want and I'm tired of taking the easy-way out.  And that's really what it boils down to.  I have been too lazy the last 7 years to change my life.  Maybe a little scared too, but mostly lazy.  This was easy.  I was always good at it, so I didn't have to try, but what kind of life is that?  I want to be challenged.  I want to be creative and I want to do something more with my life.  Starting today....

But I'm not quite sure where to start.  I want to buy some software and take some courses, but I should probably set up an LLC before doing either of those so that I can write them off my taxes (at least my education taught me that).....and I need to look into printing vendors and ways to advertise.....and how to create a website (other than a blog) to attract customers.  I want to design stationary; invitations, announcements, letterhead, business cards and greeting cards, etc.  Just talking about it makes me happy.  I need to start researching this and make a change in my life.  No one else is going to do it for me, right?  Anything is possible, right?  Well, I'm going to try.  I have to, or I'm just going to keep having days like these....and I don't want to look back in another 7 years and wonder what happened.

So, what are some of your dreams?  Have you ever had a day that made you realize you were following the wrong dream?  I would love to hear about it.  Any thoughts or inspiration or even recommendations would be great.  I apologize for spilling this all on you so randomly, but I thought it would be the most appropriate place to air my future plans.  Because if I say it here, then I will really follow up on it.  I feel more accountable to you (internet) than to myself sometimes...weird, right??

Well....wish me luck!  And to any of you out there that are following your dreams, good luck and congrats!  I think it is wonderful!!  Scary, but wonderful....